Plain Talk: Loves war wages on!
Any person who has experienced the connection of a meaningful and/or significant relationship will readily confirm that it requires a formidable struggle to in order to for the union to be ultimately successful. For some the struggle goes a little smoother than others, but that struggle exists nonetheless.
I know of a couple that has been married for 26 years and they appear to be extremely happy. However, I know firsthand that they have experienced a few … shall we say “challenging” times. They battled through them and they continue to prosper in their relationship (at least from the outsiders perspective anyway). Conversely, I know couples with similar years of matrimony experience whose journey has not turned out to be quite as smooth. In fact, at times when you see them or talk to one or the other it comes off as though they merely ‘tolerate’ one another. The casualties of their war are many, and the battle continues on for them.
It’s tough!
So often in relationships it seems like the participants merely tolerate each other for various and sundry reasons. Some of the reasons are legit and others may carry a little less weight, but all in all what happens is the happiness and satisfaction continues to fade until they get to a point where they just want to give up.
At what point does the “trying” in the relationship give way to the “waiting to give up”?
All relationships hit a snag at some point where one or the other (or both) realize the need to “try” a little harder to make things work because they feel something is different and they are not particularly fond of what that change represents. Sometimes it leads to marriage or couples counseling or a visit with a head member of their place of worship or some other form of external guidance or assistance in order to help guide them back to a state of peace and tranquility within the relationship. Other times it may be a more one on one approach, communicating in a more meaningful manner or committing to do more things together. Outlining some of the issues and then doing some research in a bookstore or on the Internet may be another approach taken as well.
You get the point; the “trying” part is usually very evident and usually quite sincere as well.
But somewhere along the way a transition occurs when there is little or no progress. That’s when the real shake up begins. It can be quite subtle, and when it is you can equate it to the genesis of something bad. It’s the “waiting to give up” phase; the point where a person has all but made up in their mind that they are finished trying and the relationship is a lost cause. Now it’s just a matter of waiting out for the opportune time to make the mad dash! Waiting for the other to do something wrong or say something that can be used as fuel for the fires of war … you’ve heard of the routines. What’s interesting to me is, when people get to this point it seems almost impossible for them to transition back to the “trying” stage. Which in a round-about way brings me back to the thought, when does the trying become the waiting to give up and how can that area be avoided?
I think it all comes down to straightforward and effective communication. Talk to one another and be REAL about what you have to say. It’s literally unrealistic to think that things are going to go well at all times in any relationship, so remove that fairy tale from your mind and focus on honest communication with your partner that is free from hurtful comments, … you know the ones, comments that stab you like knives! Avoid those comments that are meant to STING more than they are meant to actually convey the heartfelt thought you are really feeling inside.
Loves war will still wage on, but at least you will have the ammunition needed to put forth a valiant effort in the battle.
I know of a couple that has been married for 26 years and they appear to be extremely happy. However, I know firsthand that they have experienced a few … shall we say “challenging” times. They battled through them and they continue to prosper in their relationship (at least from the outsiders perspective anyway). Conversely, I know couples with similar years of matrimony experience whose journey has not turned out to be quite as smooth. In fact, at times when you see them or talk to one or the other it comes off as though they merely ‘tolerate’ one another. The casualties of their war are many, and the battle continues on for them.
It’s tough!
So often in relationships it seems like the participants merely tolerate each other for various and sundry reasons. Some of the reasons are legit and others may carry a little less weight, but all in all what happens is the happiness and satisfaction continues to fade until they get to a point where they just want to give up.
At what point does the “trying” in the relationship give way to the “waiting to give up”?
All relationships hit a snag at some point where one or the other (or both) realize the need to “try” a little harder to make things work because they feel something is different and they are not particularly fond of what that change represents. Sometimes it leads to marriage or couples counseling or a visit with a head member of their place of worship or some other form of external guidance or assistance in order to help guide them back to a state of peace and tranquility within the relationship. Other times it may be a more one on one approach, communicating in a more meaningful manner or committing to do more things together. Outlining some of the issues and then doing some research in a bookstore or on the Internet may be another approach taken as well.
You get the point; the “trying” part is usually very evident and usually quite sincere as well.
But somewhere along the way a transition occurs when there is little or no progress. That’s when the real shake up begins. It can be quite subtle, and when it is you can equate it to the genesis of something bad. It’s the “waiting to give up” phase; the point where a person has all but made up in their mind that they are finished trying and the relationship is a lost cause. Now it’s just a matter of waiting out for the opportune time to make the mad dash! Waiting for the other to do something wrong or say something that can be used as fuel for the fires of war … you’ve heard of the routines. What’s interesting to me is, when people get to this point it seems almost impossible for them to transition back to the “trying” stage. Which in a round-about way brings me back to the thought, when does the trying become the waiting to give up and how can that area be avoided?
I think it all comes down to straightforward and effective communication. Talk to one another and be REAL about what you have to say. It’s literally unrealistic to think that things are going to go well at all times in any relationship, so remove that fairy tale from your mind and focus on honest communication with your partner that is free from hurtful comments, … you know the ones, comments that stab you like knives! Avoid those comments that are meant to STING more than they are meant to actually convey the heartfelt thought you are really feeling inside.
Loves war will still wage on, but at least you will have the ammunition needed to put forth a valiant effort in the battle.